Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
