I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
