we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
