I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
