I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Two words: nipple clamps
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