Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it because I queefed?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
