I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have feelings that need drinking.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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