fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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