Well douche your snatch and let's go!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
