Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
