Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
