2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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