Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
