I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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