Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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