Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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