so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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