She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
