I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
