You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
