I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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