Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
