Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
