Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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