You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
