Your face is a jimmy john
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
