the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
