I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
