i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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