Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
