i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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