I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
