I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
