you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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