Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
