Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
