and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I have post one night stand depression
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