am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
