I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
