how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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