He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
