I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
