And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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