i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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