I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize