No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
