whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just had sex bonerless
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
