I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
