dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
