i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
