Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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