We're facebook friends in real life
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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