Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
