so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
