and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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