I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
