I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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