she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
