Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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