perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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