my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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