apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
