We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
