Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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